Chrysalis

I turned 49 in October 2017.

The age itself didn’t particularly bother me, but it did occur to me that I am not getting younger…that the day will come when I am no longer able to “carpe diem”. So I asked myself what was unclaimed in me? What do I long for? And the answer surprised me. I wanted to express myself via aerial dance. I lost connection to my empowered, sexual identity in the process of child bearing, breast feeding and toddler raising. I am now wanting to reclaim my body and stretch it’s limits. I am strengthening and conditioning. I am losing weight. I begin aerial dance classes on Jan 9. This blog will chronicle my journey to a live aerial performance in celebration of my 50th birthday!

If there is a dream that you have buried, dig it up. Make 2018 a year of transformation! Join me in this exploration of how we define our beauty and our strength. Let’s empower each other!

I will be posting regularly and appreciate any words of encouragement along the way.

Love and light,

Lanta

 

 

  • I AM 50! It came. It went. This much anticipated event. I worked so hard and trained for so long and my knee swelled the Wednesday before and I was still in a knee brace having trouble bearing weight on it the day of my performance. Interesting. I would think that this would greatly upset or disappoint me, but it didn’t. My long time friends were in town and I was committed to enjoying their company and frankly, enjoying myself. The party began and I was able to greet most of my guests before having to go change for the performance. It was amazing to look across Sue’s Space, transformed into a Speakeasy and be transported by the dapper men and magnificent sequined, fringed ...
  • It’s Showtime! I woke this morning feeling excited that my friends were arriving! I ran through my checklist in my head….beds, towels, food… and then it occurred to me-it’s here! IT’S HERE! What began as a dream to become proficient in aerial dance lead me to a journey of self-discovery, reclamation and on my best days, self-love. I lost my father this year. I deepened some friendships and released others. I found a community of women also seeking to love themselves and support others in the process. I hosted my first retreat at the farm. It has been a big year! So, how am I feeling as the event looms in the near future? Calm. Confident. Happy. My knee is acting up. Me period which began on 9/26 is ...
  • I am a source of light in the world! I have just returned from co-leading the annual Peace Tree Yoga women’s retreat. The theme was “Reclaiming the Sacred Feminine”. I have found that when I am there, I can’t really allow myself to go too deeply because I need to hold space for our students, so when I return home, it washes over me in waves. Some years, it comes to me as deep soul weariness and others, I am highly emotive. This year, I feel strong and vibrant. At the retreat, we discussed masculine and feminine qualities present in ALL humans. We tuned in to our innate knowing and started to cultivate trust in our own intuition. Once I got home and began to unpack and do chores around ...
  • No Turning Back! The invitations went out. This is happening! My 50th birthday! Last week, I recognized that I was eating too much, drinking too often, not working out as much and not practicing my routines. And not surprisingly, I am up a few pounds and feeling all those familiar feelings of “not good enough”. What I further recognized was that this was a subconscious act of self-sabotage! Today, on the Autumnal Equinox, I give myself permission to reap what I have sown. I accept the love of my husband and family, not because I am lucky, but because I am worthy. I own my body and will get back on track because I have worked hard this year on my physique and am excited to show ...
  • This is my face. “This is the face of a woman who sees. 🌀 This is the face of a woman who sees your heart and your pain.  This is the face of a woman who sees your dreams and your fear.  This is this face of a woman who sees your truth and your illusion.  This is the face of a woman who sees your potential and your limitations.  This is the face of a woman who sees your nurturer and your warrior.  This is the face of a woman who sees, loves and accepts you with patience and devotion.  This is also the face of a woman who judges you.  This is also the face of a woman who has expectations for you to be something you’re not.  This is also ...
  • Eek! My postings seem to be coming less frequently and I contemplate the why of that. Am I just busy? (My binge watching of the Blacklist may tell a different story.) Perhaps it is ambivalence…Aren’t you bored with me yet? I am kind of bored with me. What is there to say? What do I have to offer? I am training and dancing. I am dealing with injuries. I am maintaining my weightloss with vigilance. Maybe, I wish the birthday party could fall off of the radar like so many things that I have dreamed up and not followed through with. I have tons of anxiety about the show and kind of wish I could slink back under my rock. Have I created a ...
  • All the Things Since I wrote last, so many fun things have happened. I came out of my vertigo on fire! I joined an Instagram Yoga challenge where you post a picture of yourself in a pose a day. They were poses that I was very unfamiliar with and that made me uncomfortable. It was a good practice to be uncomfortable and to breathe deeply into that discomfort. Surrender to it even. Explore it. Plumb it’s depths for the secrets it may reveal. It taught me that I love my Practice and prefer simpler poses. I have no desire today to put my body in pretzel positions.That said, I also signed up for a lyra top bar challenge and really enjoyed being stretched in ...
  • Let’s catch up! I have not been writing much, but I have been creating lots! I suppose it is time to sit down and share. My birthday party is now 3 months away and I am starting to feel the pressure of that. I keep trying to relax into it, but there are a lot of details to manage. Invitations. Decor. Catering. The cleanup following. Then, there is the performance…which brings with it lots of other things to think about….coordinating rehearsal times, learning each dance, costumes and just plain HOLY CRAP! What have I taken on? lol I continue to be excited to do this though. Ron and I were talking last night with a family friend and I found myself trying to explain ...
  • Metamorphosis Metamorphosis Transformation. To be transformed. Seed to flower. Child to adult. Caterpillar to butterfly. A wave can turn to a hurricane, a flame to a wildfire, a stormcloud to a tornado. It looms, it darkens the sky, it frightens. But does not the shore dry, the forest fizzle out? The sun sneaks out behind a seemingly never-ending stream of darkness and devastation. So, too, do we transform. A girl became a woman, but not before she was absorbed by darkness. Only thereafter could she seek out the sun. Peace comes after war, recovery after illness, healing after injury… This transformation, it is greater, more magnanimous because, too, that process, that search, journey, her darkness… it stretched on for what she presumed was her                                                                                 eternity. She was scared. She was alone. And then, she triumphed; she needed no one. And then, out flew a newly transformed her. Out to the world, new world, brighter world, out she came… a butterfly.~Meg B from HelloPoetry.com (note:gender of pronouns switched from original) My husband ...
  • REST You have been following this journey. You have seen me condition and train. You have watched me face my relationship with food and redefine how we are going to live together. I hope I have shared equally the accomplishments and the struggles because they show up in equal measure. What I haven’t shared (denial, anyone?) is that over the past two weeks, I have felt my recovery time getting longer. I have been noting more aches and pains. I am tired all of the time. Last Tuesday, at my aerial class, I had to leave early. I mean, I could have stayed and supported my friends, but I didn’t trust myself to stay off of the silks and I was hurting. ...