Chrysalis

I turned 49 in October 2017.

The age itself didn’t particularly bother me, but it did occur to me that I am not getting younger…that the day will come when I am no longer able to “carpe diem”. So I asked myself what was unclaimed in me? What do I long for? And the answer surprised me. I wanted to express myself via aerial dance. I lost connection to my empowered, sexual identity in the process of child bearing, breast feeding and toddler raising. I am now wanting to reclaim my body and stretch it’s limits. I am strengthening and conditioning. I am losing weight. I begin aerial dance classes on Jan 9. This blog will chronicle my journey to a live aerial performance in celebration of my 50th birthday!

If there is a dream that you have buried, dig it up. Make 2018 a year of transformation! Join me in this exploration of how we define our beauty and our strength. Let’s empower each other!

I will be posting regularly and appreciate any words of encouragement along the way.

Love and light,

Lanta

 

 

  • I could suck….. It is happening!! I set a goal of performing for my 50th birthday and it is starting to materialize. The Save the Date cards have been sent! The venue booked. I have a choreographer for the 6 numbers that will be performed. My troupe is gathered and we begin dancing together on June 30th. I am starting to contemplate costumes and cocktails and  appetizers. Oh my! Did I already say….. This is happening!!!! I am noticing that I am starting to feel a little anxious. What if it doesn’t come together? What if I can’t transform the space? What if I can’t remember the dances? What if no one comes? What if I suck? These thoughts wind their way through my ...
  • Moonlight. Sometimes, I get on here and write until something meaningful emerges…I hope. Today, I have something I am reflecting on and I am finding the words hard to come by. I went to my aerial class last night and we worked on the silks for a while. I am still working on the cross back straddle and opposite side climbs, but seeing progress. What was so interesting though is the time spent on the trapeze. We did a pretty. but simple pose standing and then worked on a half mill. This took me back to 5th grade when I would hook my knee over the bars on my school’s playground and spin and spin until the back of my knees bled, ...
  • Grief Comes In Waves… I was told this when my father passed this Spring. I didn’t understand the statement because I barely registered grief at the time. It was such a strange place to find oneself, mourning a loss while not really noting a loss in your day to day life, as if an anchor in the fabric of your world has given way, but the unraveling has yet to be detected. Yes. Exactly this. And now I am noting that the unraveling has begun…. It starts with the anger of why? Why him and not another? My father has 3 sons from a second marriage and he deserved to see them marry and meet his grandchildren. I chide myself to be careful of recreating ...
  • You Get What You Need This week I have been exploring the disparity between what I want and what I need. I tend to want all the things. I expect so much of myself and others. I might even swap demand with expect because yah, I can be like that. I just feel so profoundly that we are gifted this one magnificent life and I want to live mine to the fullest. Although that is a wonderful intention, I am realizing that I also need to be aware of the people in my life and how my decisions affect them. It is so easy to have your focus become narrow and you become careless with others. I was reminded on this weekend away of what is ...
  • Crazy week! I can not believe it has been a week since I last wrote and what a week it has been!! Saturday, my family and I worked hard in the yard, clearing brush and raking out our flower beds. Sunday, I drove to Portland to attend an all day Burlesque-fest. It was simply amazing and I learned so much. Monday, I taught yoga, did my weight training session, taught yoga again and attended my Pilates Reformer class. Tuesday, I subbed a yoga class and then, went to PT for my elbow and was given some exercises and good news. My shoulder limitation is not due to injury, but to tightness. So many poses that I thought were beyond me now may be ...
  • Surrender It is Friday morning. I am headed out to teach yoga and am feeling excited to do so. I took a week off to bring my boys to DC to see my cousin, but now I am ready to move again…to feel myself lengthen and soften simultaneously. Yoga always brings me to a place that feels sacred; a place of surrender where as I deepen into discomfort, I am released. This physical experience is reinforced by the teachings that inform my moral compass. They illuminate the ways in which I burden myself with the confines of my attachments. Further invitation to let go. Lay down the mantle. I am intrigued by the dichotomy of releasing attachment to the physical realm ...
  • It is what it is. I am having one of those days where I wonder if I have taken on too much. My muscles are sore. My elbow has  been acting up and I have been diagnosed with medial epicondyilitis which is basically an overuse injury which results in inflammation of the tendons as they attach to the bony protrusion of the inside elbow. I admit PMS may be a factor in my state of mind. (This may have been pointed out by my husband…he is still alive currently..lol) So, why would I choose to sit down and write today? I am wondering that myself as I sit here, but I know that the Chrysalis journey is one of transformation. It represents a stage of growth ...
  • No. You’re beautiful. A girlfriend posted a poem by Rachel Wiley today. It said “I say I am fat. he says No, you’re beautiful. I wonder why I can not be both.” I was struck by this because for years, it was an exchange I would have with my husband repeatedly and not once NOT ONCE did it occur to me that I could be both! Instead, my trust in him would diminish for surely he was lying. Imagine that! I would rather allow my trust in my life partner to falter than accept the possibility that I was beautiful. And when I lost 20 lbs, I still did not feel the way that I thought I would. I looked too thin. Too long. Too ...
  • A Big Bite Wow! Last week was chock full of new things! I made it to the gym twice! I took a private Pilates Reformer class! I went to a Burlesque Girl’s Night AND I began my Burlesque Teacher Training with homework and everything! I was also easing in on the Spring Cleanse that I am co-leading with Ruth of Peace Tree Yoga. Sunday was a well deserved day of rest! This week doesn’t look much different. I am not teaching my Grange classes this week however. M Yoga 9am, Gym, Pilates 8pm T Aerial Dance W Yoga 9am Gym Th Aerial Home class F Gym 90 min Burlesque Class S Burlesque class/Teacher Training 10-12 I am in full cleanse this week which means smoothies, juices, soups. No caffeine. No alcohol. No sugar. No processed ...
  • Anticipation. My word for today is anticipation. In preparation to cleanse, we do a body scan meditation to tune in and create an intention for ourselves. As I began to follow my breath into my body…being curious about how I felt, about my digestion, elimination, energy level…I became aware that I am feeling anticipation. What a funny thing. Usually, I note that I feel sluggish after the heavy foods of winter or I need to ground as the air changes and blows my attention away from my center, but not this time. This time I feel excited to begin the cleanse and release the heaviness of loss and heartbreak. I feel excited to re-commit myself to this journey and continue to explore ...