Chrysalis

I turned 49 in October 2017.

The age itself didn’t particularly bother me, but it did occur to me that I am not getting younger…that the day will come when I am no longer able to “carpe diem”. So I asked myself what was unclaimed in me? What do I long for? And the answer surprised me. I wanted to express myself via aerial dance. I lost connection to my empowered, sexual identity in the process of child bearing, breast feeding and toddler raising. I am now wanting to reclaim my body and stretch it’s limits. I am strengthening and conditioning. I am losing weight. I begin aerial dance classes on Jan 9. This blog will chronicle my journey to a live aerial performance in celebration of my 50th birthday!

If there is a dream that you have buried, dig it up. Make 2018 a year of transformation! Join me in this exploration of how we define our beauty and our strength. Let’s empower each other!

I will be posting regularly and appreciate any words of encouragement along the way.

Love and light,

Lanta

 

 

  • Get to Work! It has been a little over a week since my procedure and I am pleased to say that I am feeling great! It was very cathartic to be healing physically while healing emotionally. It allowed me to tap in to things I may have otherwise avoided and that is always a good thing…even if it feels undesirable at the time. This blog was born out of my desire to learn aerial dance and to chronicle that journey, but it has become so much more. Whenever one begins to express themselves authentically, they are baring a part of themselves to the world. With that in mind, I am unhappy to report that my aerial dance class was really challenging and frustrating this ...
  • Take another piece of my heart. Today has been interesting. I had a cyst removed from my sternum this afternoon. I have had it for over a year, but it had started to grow and become inflamed so it needed to go. At the consult appointment, they had told me no aerial dance for a week so I was already feeling resentful as there is a 2 hour class this evening that I would be missing, but they had ok-ed yoga so that was good. The procedure was over quickly and painlessly and I really enjoyed the engaging nurse and doctor. I wasn’t, however. prepared to be told no stretching or lifting (hence no yoga) for 3-5 days, no hot tub for 2 weeks and that it would be ...
  • Radiant. I have been absent on here for awhile. Processing the loss of my father. Experiencing such a sense of being unsettled. I went to Florida to see my brother and his family and that was such a time of healing sprinkled with sunshine, laughter, tears, heart to heart conversation, sarcasm and way too much food…and wine. Oh, and I shouldn’t leave out wading into the 64 degree pool to celebrate being alive. Wowzers!   So. I am back. Ready to continue on my journey of self-expression and aerial/burlesque dance. I have had moments of reconsidering over the past few weeks. As I recognize in myself this pattern of chasing down and begging for love…attention…external validation, I started to wonder if the desire ...
  • more thoughts on a grey day… I have been a little quiet on here. Sitting with the heaviness in my heart, knowing my father is in pain and that I am helpless to change that. I have also been having strange dreams as if my subconscious is winding its way though every relationship I have had…beginning at the beginning…with my father. In all the dreams, though the settings change, I am begging to be loved. Chasing the boy. Convincing. Cajoling. Yuck! I hate being reminded of this pattern. I hate thinking this person who doesn’t know her value still exists in me. Reflecting on this, I am not sure how I was able to break free of this when I met Ron. I think he fooled me. ...
  • Brittle “We were broken, brittle and fragile. The question was, were we still precious to each other? Or, instead of everything falling into place, had it fallen into pieces?” ~Megan Hart I have just returned from an interesting week. I was unable to write about it yesterday, so I did what was necessary. I taught my 2 yoga classes,  and then, laid around in bed the remainder of the afternoon. Processing. The word “brittle” came to mind and I was surprised. I don’t think of myself as brittle and yet, it was the word I kept revisiting. This morning, I googled “brittle” and found this quote. I finally realized why I was feeling this way. Although I thought I was going to North ...
  • Change. Acceptance. Transformation. Transform: to change completely the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved. You may be noticing that I like definitions. I like words. Why do we choose the words that we choose? Do we like the way they fall out of our mouth? The feel of them on our tongue? Do we like all the connotations that the word represents? The images they bring to mind? Today, as I am rearranging my schedule and making travel plans to see my father, probably for the last time, I am contemplating transformation. Prior to studying Yoga, this situation would have been so challenging for me. I would have been angry at the world. I would ...
  • A “no thank you” helping. When my sons’ were little (and sometimes, still now..lol), and I prepared something that they hadn’t had before or something they were convinced they didn’t like, they were asked to take a “no thank you” bite. The idea is that they would try everything and determine in that moment if they wanted more or not. I share this because last night, I attended a Beginner Burlesque class. It was fun to warm up doing body rolls (well….trying), strutting our bizness across the floor and feeling into our bodies. Then, it came time for the choreography. Choreography?? Every woman in there was a first timer. Can we learn pretty moves or how to snake our hand ever so deliciously around our bodies? ...
  • Do not choose the lesser life….. A friend posted this poem by Nayyirah Waheed and it is so beautiful and timely. It makes me want to go out and buy every word she has published.   So here it is: “do not choose the lesser life. do you hear me. do you hear me. choose the life that is yours. the life that is seducing your lungs. that is dripping down your chin.”   Isn’t this magnificent? And it reminds me of what I am choosing for myself…to perform and to express myself even if the ways that move me are scary and challenging. To speak my truth and put it into action. To explore my experiences, both traumatic and joyful, in music and movement. Have you ever heard a song and all the hair stands up ...
  • Perseverance Perseverance: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success Ugh! Perseverance….that is what is being asked of me today. Last night, I attended my aerial dance class and we worked on new foot locks. These foot locks are realized by holding yourself up on the silks, and getting into the lock via moving your legs in such a way that you wrap the silks twice around your ankle then tuck your knees to create a base to step your heels into. Did I mention this was happening while you hold yourself on the silks? We also worked on an S lock that began with a straddle inversion which I can not do. So the evening was spent working on ...
  • It’s MY time! I have just had the most amazing week! I met with two yoga therapy clients which always thrills me. I led a corporate yoga therapy workshop which takes things to a whole other level! I played on a trapeze and LOVED it. It doesn’t demand quite as much strength as the silks, so I was able to realize more poses (?) and that was fun! The bruises on the back of my knees are not so cute, but I hope we do it again on Tuesday! I also attended a Barre class at FierceFitNH and had a blast! I was pleased at my stamina and love the core strength I am gaining. My last bit of news is that I am corresponding ...