Chrysalis

I turned 49 in October 2017.

The age itself didn’t particularly bother me, but it did occur to me that I am not getting younger…that the day will come when I am no longer able to “carpe diem”. So I asked myself what was unclaimed in me? What do I long for? And the answer surprised me. I wanted to express myself via aerial dance. I lost connection to my empowered, sexual identity in the process of child bearing, breast feeding and toddler raising. I am now wanting to reclaim my body and stretch it’s limits. I am strengthening and conditioning. I am losing weight. I begin aerial dance classes on Jan 9. This blog will chronicle my journey to a live aerial performance in celebration of my 50th birthday!

If there is a dream that you have buried, dig it up. Make 2018 a year of transformation! Join me in this exploration of how we define our beauty and our strength. Let’s empower each other!

I will be posting regularly and appreciate any words of encouragement along the way.

Love and light,

Lanta

 

 

  • Nurturing Our Heart’s Desires Firstly, I want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to let me know that they are reading along with me. I am grateful for your time. It is an odd thing to post words into the ether and not look into someone’s eyes and see that you are being heard or seen. I suppose there is a security in that as well that allows me to be so intimate and bare. So, I continue. I continue to do the dance of calories and pounds as I strive toward weight loss maintenance. I continue to explore why the allure of external validation is part of my current thought habit and know that I must remain vigilant in my intention ...
  • Chrysalis…..Progress I am having a great week! Alexandra Poulis, owner of FierceFitNH and my aerial dance instructor, designed a 6 week aerial conditioning program for me. 4 workouts a week. I am doing them Thurs-Sun, with double yoga classes on Mon and Wed and my aerial class on Tues evening. Trying to spread it out to prevent fatigue. I started the first workout yesterday and it felt good. I like discipline and routine. Having a plan. My trip to New York seems to have broken the food aversion (although I lost my “love” necklace). Just getting out of the mindset or even out of the habit of having the fear of feeling that way when I opened the fridge seems to have done me ...
  • Rut Roh! Day what!?! Well, clearly I am not a prolific blogger. lol I have just returned from an amazing weekend in NYC. I was able to participate in the Women’s March and spend time with a great friend. I am glad to be returning to my routine and to my yoga Practice, however. I often feel the need to root or become grounded after traveling.   So this morning, this made its way across my Instagram feed: “You’ll know the truth by the way that it feels”. YES. As I journey along, noting my experiences, one thing I am reminded of again and again is to listen for truth. If I am turning outward, attaching my happiness to something outside of myself, this is not ...
  • Chrysalis Day 14 Good afternoon! I am struck by a quote I read today. “When one teaches, two learn.” This is feeling particularly poignant as I was approached by a new Yoga Therapy student, seeking weight loss via yoga, because she did not recognize herself in the mirror. This statement struck me like a ton of bricks! I began my weight loss journey back in August for this very reason. I couldn’t find myself in the matronly body I perceived that I was inhabiting. Yet, now, down 18.5 pounds, I look in the mirror and don’t entirely recognize this slender, narrow person either. Perhaps, looking outward for validation and definition is where I falter? I have secretly felt for so long that all ...
  • Chrysalis Day 12 Happy Sunday! I am reflecting on this blog this morning with a sense of dissatisfaction. I am not sure what I want it to be and that lack of identity may be getting in my way. I want to share my experiences. I also want to chronicle what it takes to get to where I am going which seems a little like a diet and exercise log, but who the hell wants to read that? So, then, I question is this blog for you or for me? Ultimately, it is for me, so I will just continue and see what develops. I have reached out to my aerial dance teacher who also owns FierceFitNH to help me develop a conditioning program. I ...
  • Chrysalis Day 10 I have had a wonderful morning. Coffee in the hot tub. Taught yoga with a theme of looking at absolutes and where rigid belief systems get in our way. Came home. Ate a hard boiled egg and did my aerial conditioning exercises. My abs are still pretty trashed, so the egg turned into hanging knee ups ~ 3 sets of 5. Feel stronger in the figure 8 foot lock and worked on “bow and arrow”. Content with today. I love doing straddle ups. Burlesque lessons are in my future. 😉 The biggest thing that I am reflecting on this morning is just how easy it is to crawl up your own ass and get lost there. Lol A little crass, I ...
  • Chrysalis Day 9 Well, hey there. Thanks for sticking with me! I awoke, excited to get back on the silks today. My plan being to practice every other day. Comically, my abs had other ideas. I went to practice a conditioning exercise called “The Egg” (https://youtu.be/KKToTJAw13I) and when I went to lift my knees, it felt like someone slapped me in the solar plexus. I could not lift my knees. My abs had nothing to give. LOL So, today turned into another day of rest. I can not believe how sore my core is from my sternum to my pubis. Equally sore are the muscles of my upper back and the tops of my thighs. So interesting! Who knew this was such a comprehensive ...
  • Chrysalis Day 8 I did it! I skipped yesterday. There wasn’t much to say. My class didn’t begin until 8pm and I spent the day in the throes of mild anxiety attacks. What if I couldn’t do it and other doubts filled my head. How embarrassing to start a blog about learning to aerial dance and not even be able to get up on the silks! I did become present to a few truths though via conversing with friends. I need to really evaluate my relationship with food because it is starting to look a lot like an eating disorder complete with a waves of disgust at the thought or smell of food. I know this is a remnant from my teen years and I am taking ...
  • Day 6 Thinking a lot about surrender today. About the strength that it takes to sit in discomfort and know that you will come out the other side stronger, more distinctly you. I am continuing to feel a little flighty, but Ron thinks there is a virus running through the house and that may explain this sort or airy, almost dizzy sensation I am experiencing. Just starting my period probably plays a role in that as well (sorry if TMI…there will probably continue to be …FYI). It continues to trigger this fear though that I need to eat more, but if I eat more I will gain weight and I want to be losing weight and the cycle continues….deep breath. Sit in ...
  • Day 5 Today is Sunday and a self-proclaimed day of rest. I will teach two yoga classes tomorrow, so I am content. I do not want to be depleted for my first aerial dance class. That would defeat the purpose of all this preparation. Once that first class is under my belt, I will have a better sense of the physical requirements and can then, create a program to support them. I also need Ron to hang my silks so I can practice what I learn. Small consistent steps forward. So happy, sunny, cold Sunday, everyone. Much love.