It has been a week since I turned 50! A busy week. Usually after a lot of output (leading a retreat/a performance/an event), I set aside a day or two to unwind, process and refuel. Last week did not offer that to me and so, I plodded on arriving at Friday night curled up sound asleep on the couch at 6:30 pm. I vowed to make this week a little more restful although I knew Ron would be away on a business trip. That said, I booked a massage with my friend Siuzanne Jenkins of Kriya Yoga. My Yoga by Donation students had given me a gift certificate for my birthday and I was ready for it!

The massage, as always, was wonderful, but what I am here to share was what I experienced energetically. As she placed her hands on my shoulders, I felt their tension and almost resistance to touch and in that moment, I realized that I did not need to carry so much on my shoulders a minute more. Not one! In my head, I ran through the list of what I was choosing to set down. No more shame. No more fear. Good bye unworthiness. I release you guilt. I accepted that I wouldn’t be everything for everybody, but I could be just enough for me and those who love me. As her warm hands hovered over my heart, I felt a release. I was filled with unconditional love and was able to meet thoughts of those who I have vilified with a sense of acceptance and compassion. I released them and in my forgiveness, released myself, from further damage. As I left, Suzanne shared a quote that had stuck out to her in a training. Our consciousness resides in out fascia. Hmm….

So, I am feeling a little tender this evening, but I also feel lighter. So much this month has supported this healing. The Tonglen practice that began at Peace Tree Yoga and I have been sharing with my Yoga by Donation class because I think it is so impactful. The 3 week Cleanse that I just finished where I refined habits, was mindful about my energy, my resources, my environment and of course, my 49th year goal coming to fruition in a 6 number performance ( and amazing party if I may say so myself!). It has been a month of leaning into suffering and the parts of myself that don’t reflect who I want to be in the world. And every time that I leaned in, I found more depth and more capacity to love others and myself.

Thank you Suzanne for touching my heart today and creating this shift.

One thought on “Shift.

  1. Thank you Lanta for sharing your experience. I truly believe the client and practitioner co-create the space for a shift and healing on many levels. Here is another wonderful quote…”Practitioners have a body of knowledge and the client/student has knowledge of their body”. A wonderful partnership for creating the space for a shift, growth, healing, wellness and of course, bodichita (mindbody) bliss. Our favorite new word of the month 🙂

    Thank you for your trust in me and the healing arts I love so much,
    Kriya Touch Massage & Bodywork

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